In the Northwest corner of Washington D.C. sits the office of the Tea Party, 3000 Pennsylvania Ave is blocks away form the White House, which according to the Tea Party is the lair of the devil himself sent to destroy the Tea Party’ way of life. Today, however, blood stains the streets of D.C. as hundreds of Tea Party members hurl themselves from the office floors of their party, screams of anguish fills the night sky as the old and young alike hurl themselves in a fashion that most lemmings would find extreme. One Tea Party member went so far as to tie an NRA shirt around his neck as he hung himself out a window, a note saying TANJ, THERE AINT NO JUSTICE, adorns his naked chest as the body sways in the cross winds. Ida Bolton was quoted saying, “Impeach and prison,” shortly thereafter his frail 70 year old body burn in a sulfur filled flame. Other members took to the roofs running and screaming headlong into the concrete below. Silent sounds of grapes being squished could be heard as bodies fell. An officer of the D.C. Metropolitan Police stated, “the humanity of all those people jumping to their doom, I’ve never seen anything like it.” Other officers took to using bull horns to calm down the remaining members. Though some were saved, in general 125 members of the Tea Party lost their lives to a law passed that had no real bearing on their own lives in a gross, inhumane fashion. Funeral services will be announced later on in the week.